I'm a bit confused at the moment. I'm starting to become better friends with some local people. I went to the pub with a couple of them tonight. We hung out and had fun, opened up a bit, and and in general had a good time---and I very much like spending time with these particular people. Yet, I am back in my apartment and I feel a bit depressed at the moment and hope it's mostly because I'm tired. I think it goes go beyond my feelings of at guilt at not having worked on my grant proposal tonight (which is what I had intended to do). I have a thought or two on the matter, but I don't particular want to share them in this space. My thought processes aren't unfamiliar, though I still think that this isn't what my mood should be at the moment. Ah well, I guess I'll do a bit of stuff with my grant proposal because I need to give a new draft tomorrow so that I can get some more feedback.
I also got IMed with a 'thank you' from one of my SURF students because today is apparently 'Thank your mentor day.' I have several people I need to thank, so I think I should e-mail them before I go to bed. That helps my mood. (Actually, blogger was down and I couldn't post this when I first wrote the above. The IM from my student helped my mood a bit, as did sitting down and working a little on my grant proposal (even though I am not going to revise the draft as thoroughly as I'd like---nevertheless, I would like to get some more feedback on it without waiting the 3 weeks I'd need to wait if I didn't send in the new version tomorrow. So I think part of how I am feeling is guilt over the grant proposal, but I think some of it is also the thing that's bugging me that part of me feels very strongly shouldn't be bugging me at all. (I'm really annoyed at myself that I am worrying about what I probably can't have instead of focusing on the good stuff that I can and apparently do have. I really wish I could rewire myself on this.)
2 days ago
2 comments:
This may or may not be the same thing, but I sometimes find that when I'm alone after a period of intense or lengthy socializing, I get a feeling of sadness and/or loneliness. One aspect of introversion is supposed to be a drained feeling after socializing and so in my case that's probably what's going on. (Other times, I am feeling more extroverted and the opposite effect occurs: I feel really wired and happy after the event is over.) I've come to think of it as a social hangover.
There may be some of that as well, though I wasn't thinking in those terms. Maybe the fact that this is in the context of people who I am just getting to know better might exacerbate such effects? (Another possible exacerbation is the fact that going to pubs isn't exactly in my comfort zone the way playing board games is.)
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