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My name is Mason Porter. I am a Professor in the Department of Mathematics at UCLA. Previously I was Professor of Nonlinear and Complex Systems in the Mathematical Institute at University of Oxford. I was also a Tutorial Fellow of Somerville College.
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One of my gaming groups had a break recently because a player's wife had a baby. Another player asked for the kid's stats, so I wrote up the MM stat block for one. The shirt on the demotivator picture is wildly optimistic, especially for Int and Chr. I gave babies zero Str/Dex, 1 for everything else. I'll email the whole thing to you, it's too long to fit in a blog comment.
I think it's perfectly acceptable to exaggerate the stats of one's own child. :)
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