The Brits are confusing me.

I learned a few days ago that Brits use the word "quite" quite inconsistently (or, if you prefer, in a manner that is quite dependent on context), and frankly I find that quite confusing. (Though I admittedly love the multiple meanings my previous sentence has depending on how one mixes the American and British usage of the word.)

As a service to my faithful readers, here is an explanation of the differences.