"Top Theoretical Physicists, R&B Singers Meet To Debate Meaning Of Forever"

Well, The Onion has just produced another big win. My choice "quote" comes from Ed Witten:

"This assertion then raises a problem of even greater complexity: how to adequately measure the depths of one’s love, a task we now know is impossible thanks to groundbreaking work by a research collective from Caltech and Motown Records."

"However, as for the commonly held assertion that forever is tonight, even a cursory knowledge of quantum mechanics suffices to prove this notion false," Witten added.