RIP Martin Mull (1943–2024)

Comedic actor, musician, and painter Martin Mull dies yesterday.

I found out about him via the song "Dueling Tubas", which I first learned about in Physics 2a through an acoustics demo by now-Nobel Laureate David Politzer.

My musically-inclined classmates were in emotional pain.

Song Parody: "They're Still ODEs to Me"

I felt inspired. :)

"Theorems" (to the tune of ' "Heroes" ', by David Bowie)

"Theorems" (to the tune of ' "Heroes" ', by David Bowie)

I, I will be pure
And you, you will use rigor
And nothing will take it away
We can show them, just for one day
We can prove theorems, just for one day

And you, you can have bounds
And I, I'll take infinite time
We're joint authors, and that is a fact
We're coauthors, and that is that
Mathematics'll keep us together
It will not be just for one day
We can prove theorems for ever and ever
What do you say?

I, I wish I could prove
Like my teachers, my teachers can prove
Though sometimes it's hard to keep it together
I can show them, for ever and ever
Oh I can prove Theorems, just for one day

I, I will be pure
And you, you will use rigor
And nothing will take it away
We can prove Theorems, just for one day
We can do it, just for one day

I, I can remember (I remember)
Standing, by the board (by the board)
Arguments, far above our heads (over our heads)
And we tried, and we were never ignored (never ignored)
Our mentors, were always on our side
Oh we can show them, for ever and ever
Then we could prove Theorems, just for one day

We can prove Theorems
We can prove Theorems
We can prove Theorems
Just for one day
We can prove Theorems

We're students, and nothing will help us
Maybe it's hopeless, then you better not stay
But we could graduate, maybe one day

Oh-oh-oh-ohh, oh-oh-oh-ohh, maybe one day?

"Math Prof" (a parody of “Dentist” from Little Shop of Horrors)

“Math Prof”

(a parody of “Dentist” from Little Shop of Horrors)

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
When I was younger, just a small geeky kid,
My mama noticed nerdy things I did,
Like countin' all the lights in the ceilings
I'd find their patterns, and after these things
I'd create a small maze and see where it led
That's when my mama said

[POSTDOCS]
What did she say?

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
She said, "My boy, I think someday
You'll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay
You'll be a math prof
You have a talent for countin’ things up
Son, be a math prof
People will pay you to be all stuck-up
Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood
And business would suit you still less
Son, be a math prof
You'll be a success

[POSTDOCS]
Here he is, folks, the leader of the proof!
Watch him be oh so aloof!
Oh, my god!
He's a math prof and he'll never ever be any good
Who wants a thesis defense with someone in that mood?

[STUDENT]
Oh that hurts! I don’t know!

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
Oh, shut up. Think faster. Now go!
I am your math prof

[STUDENT]
Goodness gracious!

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
And I enjoy the career that I picked

[POSTDOCS]
Really love it

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
I am your math prof

[STUDENT]
Proving theorems

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
And I get off on the pain I inflict

[POSTDOCS]
Really love it

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
I thrill when I ask a tough question

[POSTDOCS]
Tough question
[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
It's swell though they tell me I'm maladjusted
And though it may cause my students distress,
Somewhere, somewhere in Heaven above me
I know, I know, that my mama's proud of me
Oh, mama
'Cause I'm a math prof and a success
Say pi!

[STUDENT]
Pi!

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
Say mu!

[STUDENT]
Mu!

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
Say nu!

[STUDENT]
Nu!

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
Now prove it!

TMNTing Wikipedia Pages: A Twitter Account

This is the right type of Twitter account. ;)

Pseudo-random number samplinghttps://t.co/bTMMPJhmlL pic.twitter.com/Sh8cScM65b

— Wiki Titles Singable to TMNT Themesong (@wiki_tmnt) December 19, 2019

(Tip of the cap to Evelyn Lamb.)

Cover Letters When Responding Reviewers

This "sample cover letter" is hilarious!

I read this before at some point, and it's still really funny now. (And also way too close to the truth.)

Definitely adding a Review of Irrelevant Literature to my next paper | https://t.co/MlOLNd3O6E pic.twitter.com/khcbyHydBj

— Academia ɐɹnɔsqO (@AcademiaObscura) March 28, 2018

It's Still Billy Joel to Me: H. P. Lovecraft Edition

I am highly amused by this connection between Billy Joel's "Piano Man" and H. P. Lovecraft's "Nemesis". Seriously, this is worth a listen. The top one is great!

Though it's still Billy Joel to me!

(Tip of the cap to Todd Wilkinson.)

Ten of the Most Parodied Artworks of All Time

There are some very familiar pieces among the most parodied works of art.

Some of the parodies are rather familiar as well.

(Tip of the cap to Yves van Gennip.)

Published Version of "88 Lines About 44 Mathematicians"

In 2009, I wrote a parody of the song 88 Lines About 44 Women that was much more mathematically oriented. A version of this song has now been published in Journal of Humanistic Mathematics. The version that I submitted to the journal is slightly censored. I think I only changed one word, which one will often see when comparing the album version of a song to versions that receive radio airplay.

Here are some article details.

Title: 88 Lines About 44 Mathematicians

Author: Mason A. Porter

Abstract: Well, there isn't really an abstract per se.



Note: In 2014, somebody else recorded a song by the same name on YouTube, although the lyrics are entirely different. Also, that guy focused much more on mainstream mathematicians than I did.

Marty Feldman Performing Tom Lehrer!

Oh, wow! Marty Feldman performed some songs by Tom Lehrer! Here's a video of The Vatican Rag, and apparently the same show included other Feldman performances of Lehrer songs. (Maybe those are online too?) I didn't know this existed!

And if you've never heard of Marty Feldman, you should watch Young Frankenstein, among other movies.

(Tip of the cap to Kent Cordray.)

Update: Here is a video of Feldman performing National Brotherhood Week.

Science Kombat

Two words: Finish him!

Based on what I see from the graphics, so far I think Stephen Hawking is the best playable character.

(Tip of the cap to Joshua Bodyfelt.)

RIP Animal (1950–2016)

With rock legend David Bowie and other prominent rockers (like Glenn Frey, who was a founding member of the Eagles, and several others) dying in their late 60s (or sometimes early 70s) the last couple of weeks, January 2016 really feels like "The Month the Music Died" (especially with rock music), this article about Animal dying at age 66 is a parody that somebody had to write.

For music, this has been a really awful month...

(Tip of the cap to Chris Howland.)

New Prescription-Strength Nature

The sad thing is that I assumed that this video about prescription-strength nature was referring to the journal Nature rather than to actual nature. I think I need to get out more.

(I was also wondering if the prescription-level version had less bullshit than the off-the-counter version.)

Clearly, a parody of this parody video is in order.

"The Tale of a Post Doc": A Parody of "Bohemian Rhapsody"

This parody of "Bohemian Rhapsody" waxes poetic about the life of a postdoc. It's funny because it's true. :)

"Modernized Space Camp Allows Kids To Simulate Frustration Over Lack Of Funding"

I'm not sure how I missed this article in May, but The Onion wins again. Sadly, something similar also seems to apply to people who dream of academic careers in science. :(

"Directed Evolution of the Full Professor"

Easter Eggs in Scientific Papers has pointed out a gem this time. It is a farcical abstract for a paper called "Directed Evolution of the Full Professor". Read the whole fake abstract; it's awesome! Here is one of the sweet parts:

"Assistant professors that displayed such proteins (so-called ‘stressed-out’ mutants) were then fused to the M13 coat protein, displayed on phages and passed over a friend and family members column to identify those that were incapable of functional interactions. These were called ‘full professors’. Although these mutants arose independently, they shared striking phenotypes. These included the propensity to talk incessantly about their own research, the inability to judge accurately the time required to complete bench work, and the belief that all of their ideas constituted good thesis projects."

The Transformers: Now in 1D

Here is a really awesome spoof trailer for a one-dimensional version of The Transformers. Awesome!

My favorite line is the one about from one end of space to the other.

(Tip of the cap to Kevin Hickerson.)

The Onion Wins Again: GOP Edition

Yup, The Onion wins again. Hilarious!

Bohemian Gravity

If you want to listen to some tidbits about string theory and the like to the tune of "Bohemian Rhapsody", then I strongly suggest that you watch the music video by Timothy Blaise called Bohemian Gravity. It's awesome!

(Tip of the cap to Jeff Moehlis.)

"Bitchy Resting Face"

The video embedded into this article about the 'medical condition' now unofficially known as "Bitchy Resting Face" is hilarious.

And, as some of you know, my murder eyes come out very prominently when I am thinking deeply. :)

(Tip of the cap to Andrew Waugh.)