Second-Hand Obesity

You don't believe that this exists? Well, Kevin Smith just got kicked off of a flight for it.

The Enemy of my Enemy

Here is the third article in Steve Strogatz's mathematics series in The New York Times.

We actually went through Frank Harary's social balance proof in our networks journal club a couple of years ago.

Also, I was wondering how many articles in the series that it would take for Strogatz to get into networks. I suppose that's kind of like answering how many licks it takes to get the chewy center of a Tootsie Pop? (I hope somebody else remembers that.)

Social Awkwardness is a Scarlet Letter

I wished I lived in a world in which social awkwardness didn't result in quite so prominent a scarlet letter. I was in G & D's (a local ice cream place) and overheard a rather demoralizing conversation: The people at the next table were talking about socially awkward people as if we were a lower form of life---apparently, we're less nice, feel less, etc. than other people. I know I can dismiss them as a bunch of idiots, but I felt like utter shit after listening to that and I do believe that most people look down on me to some extent because of my social awkwardness. (One of the reasons I feel bad when I hear that stuff is my belief that so many people believe it to at least some extent.)

Obviously, I have been able to find people who aren't that way, but one of these days I would like to believe that the number of such people isn't so small. I go out of my way to find people who I feel are egalitarian in this respect, and that's one of the reasons that I have a lot of difficulty finding friends. Simply, this is a very hard search problem. (Though, again, I have obviously found some of these special people!)

One can get better at social skills---but only to a point. (And indeed I am better now than I used to be.) In the same way, one can get better at doing contour integrals---but only to a point. In each case, there is some level of natural ability involved, and I wouldn't dream of looking down on people if they had trouble with contour integrals.

"The Condensed Matter Song"

"The Condensed Matter Song"

By Mason A. Porter, Oxford Centre for Industrial and Applied Mathematics, Mathematical Institute, University of Oxford

(parody of the "Matter-Patter Trio" by Gilbert and Sullivan)



I'm having lots of trouble with this awful calculation –
So I shall go back to my lab for some Bose-Einstein condensation.
And see if better vortex lattices cannot attract my senses,
And with some extra stirring I shall find the consequences.
Oh but in my complex conjugate I did forget the dagger,
And now that I get vortices I have regained my swagger,
And a word or two of compliment my vanity would flatter,
But I won't get tenure anyway, because it's really condensed matter!

Because atomic physics is really condensed matter,
condensed matter, condensed matter,
Yes it's really condensed matter,
condensed matter, condensed matter,

Yes it's really condensed matter,
It is really condensed matter,

BECs are condensed matter, condensed matter, condensed matter!

matter, condensed matter, condensed matter,
condensed matter, condensed matter, ...


It may be a little tired and perhaps generally silly
And that energy landscape seems to me complex and hilly;
Though with it I want to grapple with a biological question,
But I know not what, so do you have a suggestion?
I shall then submit a paper to Physics Review Letters,
With excellent predictions to be tested when technology is better,
But right now I wish that landscape would be flatter,
And I don't actually know biology, so I study condensed matter!

Yes I study condensed matter,
condensed matter, condensed matter,
Biology is really condensed matter,
condensed matter, condensed matter,

Yes it's really condensed matter,
It is really condensed matter,

Biology is condensed matter, condensed matter, condensed matter!

matter, condensed matter, condensed matter,
condensed matter, condensed matter, ...


If I had been so lucky I would have studied complex systems
But unless I find a power law surely nobody will listen –
I was given good advice when my mentor saw me erring
That to study networks and call it "physics" would be ever so daring,
And then with real data I would truly get to fiddle,
And publish papers in Nature and Science that aren't worth a piddle.
That particularly vapid, unintelligible patter
Is very sexy nowadays, but we all know it's really condensed matter!

Yes it's really condensed matter,
condensed matter, condensed matter,
Complex systems is really condensed matter,
condensed matter, condensed matter,


All this rapid-publication, unintelligible patter
Is presented at the March Meeting, so it must be condensed matter,
Yes this rapid-publication, unintelligible patter
Is all part of the subject that we call condensed matter,
matter, condensed matter, condensed matter,
matter, condensed matter, condensed matter!



(OK, so I'm probably being a little harsh here and I'm definitely biting the hand that feeds me. But I couldn't resist doing this...)

The Curious Case of Batman and Robin

This demotivational poster is a big win. (It's also highly appropriate for Valentine's Day.)

The Big Hurt has officially retired.

Frank Thomas (aka "The Big Hurt") has officially retired. Next stop: Cooperstown. (Thomas last played in 2008 but hadn't officially retired.)

Just take a look at his hitting stats. The man could hit, especially in his prime.

One of the articles I was reading earlier today when the news leaked (but the press conference hadn't occurred yet) wrote something to the effect that Thomas "will get strong consideration for the Hall of Fame" (the quote is approximate, but the tone is accurate). Um, excuse me. Thomas is a mortal lock for the Hall (as long as PED-type rumors don't surface, and they haven't yet). The idea that he is in any way borderline is frankly absurd (pun intended).

Ernie Harwell wins Vin Scully Award

I didn't even know that there was a Vin Scully Award, but there is one, and Ernie Harwell has won it. This award, which is a lifetime achievement award in sports broadcasting, is richly deserved. (And it's also fitting that it's named after Vin Scully---not that I'm biased or anything...)

Celebrating Number 34

Yesterday was my 34th birthday (with 10:50 pm UK time the time where things turned over, according to my birth certificate), so I had a bunch of friends over to celebrate. We played some games, ate some cake, and generally hung out. The main party started at 7pm, and just before that I went out to dinner with my best friend among the locals.

Now it's very quickly back to the old grind, starting with marking quantum mechanics homework tonight. (My students who are taking this have told me that this is the hardest problem sheet they've seen in the 1.5 years that they've been here. I hope I'm not going to have to do all of these problems from scratch tonight---I'd greatly prefer a calmer marking period where I can wing things. We shall see.)

Strange Googling

This google search for future of those born on 10th February, 1976 has one of my web pages in the top spot. This is two spots ahead of a web page about Celine Dion on Oprah, because apparently in celebration of my 34th birthday tomorrow Celine Dion is apparently going to appear on Oprah. Let me just say that this is not what I wanted for a birthday present. Sheesh.

Update (right after original post): Except that now when I try the link to the search, my web page comes up 2nd instead of 1st. I'm not sure which parameter got changed, and I'm going to finish reading Salvatore killing off some major characters instead (just a few pages left). Given that I don't think any of you read his book's anymore, I don't feel too guilty about that spoiler.

3rd Annual Conference of the Oxford student chapter of the Society for Industrial and Applied Mathematics

We hosted a spiffy conference today.

Here are some pictures that I took. Kit Yates took even more pictures than I did, and I'm sure that they will be posted shortly.

Rock Groups

Here is Steve Strogatz's second article (of 15 total) in his current New York Times series. As I mentioned in the last blog entry, he's starting from the mathematical ground up. (I'm looking forward to the more advanced topics, but it's already neat to see how he's writing about the fundamental stuff.)

Lawful Neutral

I approve of this poster! If it existed in real life, I expect that this poster would tie the room together.

I come from the land down under.

Apparently, the song "Down Under" by Men at Work (a really awesome song, by the way) copied a bit from an Australian nursery rhyme.

Tales from the arXiv: Mastication of Fish Sausage

Not only is this abstract "awesome", but I think that the authors might have an Ig Nobel prize in their future... In particular, I'd like to point out the last sentence: In order to explain this structure, we propose a mastication model for fish sausage based on stochastic processes.

\\
arXiv:1002.0404 (*cross-listing*)
Date: Tue, 2 Feb 2010 07:17:47 GMT (878kb)

Title: Fragmentation of a viscoelastic food by human mastication
Authors: Naoki Kobayashi, Kaoru Kohyama, Kouichi Shiozawa
Categories: physics.data-an cond-mat.stat-mech physics.bio-ph
Comments: JPSJ3, 4 pages, 8 figures
\\
Fragment-size distributions have been studied experimentally in masticated viscoelastic food (fish sausage).The mastication experiment in seven subjects was examined. We classified the obtained results into two groups, namely, a single lognormal distribution group and a lognormal distribution with exponential tail group. The facts suggest that the individual variability might affect the fragmentation pattern when the food sample has a much more complicated physical property. In particular, the latter result (lognormal distribution with exponential tail) indicates that the fragmentation pattern by human mastication for fish sausage is different from the fragmentation pattern for raw carrot shown in our previous study. The excellent data fitting by the lognormal distribution with exponential tail implies that the fragmentation process has a size-segregation-structure between large and small parts.In order
to explain this structure, we propose a mastication model for fish sausage based on stochastic processes.
\\ ( http://arxiv.org/abs/1002.0404 , 878kb)

Oscar Nominations

Here are the 2010 Oscar nominations.

The main one I care about is Christoph Waltz winning the Best Supporting Actor award for his role in Inglourious Bastereds. (He was awesome!) I also really want Coraline to win the award for Best Animated Feature. Also, if A Serious Man wins for Best Picture, I'm going to be really annoyed. (I'll be somewhat annoyed if it wins the award for Best Screenplay.) I found that movie to be woefully disappointing. It had a few moments, but that's all it had.

Given my awful track record and other things I want to do (besides write an interminably long blog entry), I'm not going to bother actually predicting the award winners.

Look at all these Rumors

Somebody apparently started a false rumor that the seminar speaker that I am hosting on Thursday wasn't going to come. (I'm partly wondering what's going on, partly wondering whether somebody is trying to screw with me, and partly amused if somebody is indeed trying to screw with me this way.) Anyway, members of OCIAM and whoever else wants to come will most certainly be hearing about the FPU problem this Thursday.

The game is afoot.

Killed off in chapter 1?

I have heard rumors that a literary mathematician who is named after me is slated to be killed off in chapter 1 of a book. Granted, the rumor is now several years old, and this could easily change. Tom Hanks should clearly play him in the movie version.

Broadcaster Jon Miller joins Hall of Fame

Broadcaster Jon Miller, who is most famous for his play-by-play work on ESPN's Sunday Night Baseball, has won the Ford C. Frick Award and has thereby earned a spot in the broadcaster's wing of baseball's Hall of Fame. About time.

Monday Catblogging

Here is a picture of Pogo trying to keep warm.

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish

OK, so that only makes four fish, but in this New York Times article by Steve Strogatz, one gets all the way up to 12 (count 'em) fish. Steve is writing a series of opinion pieces in the New York Times where he will take mathematics all the way from preschool to graduate school. This is the first article in the series.