"Math Prof" (a parody of “Dentist” from Little Shop of Horrors)

“Math Prof”

(a parody of “Dentist” from Little Shop of Horrors)

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
When I was younger, just a small geeky kid,
My mama noticed nerdy things I did,
Like countin' all the lights in the ceilings
I'd find their patterns, and after these things
I'd create a small maze and see where it led
That's when my mama said

[POSTDOCS]
What did she say?

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
She said, "My boy, I think someday
You'll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay
You'll be a math prof
You have a talent for countin’ things up
Son, be a math prof
People will pay you to be all stuck-up
Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood
And business would suit you still less
Son, be a math prof
You'll be a success

[POSTDOCS]
Here he is, folks, the leader of the proof!
Watch him be oh so aloof!
Oh, my god!
He's a math prof and he'll never ever be any good
Who wants a thesis defense with someone in that mood?

[STUDENT]
Oh that hurts! I don’t know!

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
Oh, shut up. Think faster. Now go!
I am your math prof

[STUDENT]
Goodness gracious!

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
And I enjoy the career that I picked

[POSTDOCS]
Really love it

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
I am your math prof

[STUDENT]
Proving theorems

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
And I get off on the pain I inflict

[POSTDOCS]
Really love it

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
I thrill when I ask a tough question

[POSTDOCS]
Tough question
[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
It's swell though they tell me I'm maladjusted
And though it may cause my students distress,
Somewhere, somewhere in Heaven above me
I know, I know, that my mama's proud of me
Oh, mama
'Cause I'm a math prof and a success
Say pi!

[STUDENT]
Pi!

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
Say mu!

[STUDENT]
Mu!

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
Say nu!

[STUDENT]
Nu!

[MATHEMATICS PROFESSOR]
Now prove it!

2021 Ig Nobel Prizes!

The 2021 Ig Nobel laureates have been announced!

I think my favorite one this year is the prize in chemistry, but I of course have fondness for the winners in complex systems (especially with one of them published in Physical Review E).