Another Bulwer-Lytton entry

Inspired by a failed analogy in an expository article I'm currently writing about the FPU problem, I devised (and have since submitted) another entry for the Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest:

As predictable as the regular dynamics of a periodic trajectory in a completely integrable system, James Bond had ferocious, passionate sex with the seductive, evil temptress repeatedly (although one major difference is that inverse scattering theory can be used to understand the former situation but not the latter).

This sentence is actually completely accurate mathematically!

(By the way, my failed analogy is that I tried to give my readers intuition about regular dynamics by comparing their predictability to James Bond movies. One of my coauthors pointed out that analogies only help when they actually increase understanding, though he phrased things much more tactfully than that. My attempt to explain why the standard superposition principle doesn't work for nonlinear problems using the double suicide in Romeo and Juliet was even worse.)

Sentence of the Day (Bulwer-Lytton edition)

After seeing a particular "awesome" (and awesome!) line in Super Paper Mario (it was along the lines of "I will hit you like an unseen dodgeball in a sweaty high-school gym" and I assume it was borrowed from something similar in the movie Dodgeball) last night, I was reminded of the Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest. I just wrote and submitted the following entry:


"After staring lustily at a frustratingly vicious--yet oddly compelling--differential equation that reminded him vaguely and for no good reason of his recently imprisoned ex-girlfriend, the notion that he was about to retire and shouldn't bother with such nonsense hit Professor Cvitanovic like Morrissey singing about a bad debt that he (Cvitanovic, not Morrissey) could not pay."


By the way, here are the 2007 winners of the contest. (And, yes, I did borrow the last name of my former [unofficial] postdoc advisor.)

Please share your "awesome" sentences in this spot. I think that one can do considerably "better" than my entry.


Update: The person who runs the contest (Scott Rice) responded to my submission with the following comment: "Only one submission, from a person with your powers of invention?" Now I feel compelled to come up with more sentences... Any thoughts on what I should put in there? Currently, I'm thinking of being meta- and including the idea of being short of inspiring ideas for a clever sentence. Maybe I can just be recursive? Here's a start: "Short of ideas for an "awesome" sentence to submit to the Bulwer-Lytter bad fiction contest, Oxford professor Mason Porter decided to rely on recursion." This clearly needs some embellishment, however, and I'd like to make the sentence itself recursive.

Bicycles in London: eBourbaki mathematical modeling contest

Eliana Hechter of eBourbaki just sent me an e-mail about the following:

e-Bourbaki, "a mathematical problem-solving firm whose mission is to solve the world's mathematical problems using contests to inspire innovation and creativity", sponsors a mathematical modeling contest every spring and the recently-announced 2008 contest pertains to bicycles in London.

I encourage any and all mathematics students to participate in this!

Here is what Eliana wrote in her e-mail:

I am writing to inform you about an upcoming contest for students of
mathematics, computer science, and engineering in the United
Kingdom. The contest, which asks students to mathematically model a
low-cost bicycle rental service for the City of London, will
commence at 5pm on Monday, May 5, 2008 and end at 5pm on Monday, May
12, 2008. We hope that you will encourage the students with whom you
have contact to participate.

The first prize is ?1000 and winning projects may have the potential
to be implemented as London strives to become more sustainable and
efficient in its transportation infrastructure.

The contest is hosted by eBourbaki, a mathematical problem-solving
website I founded dedicated to increasing interest and involvement
in mathematics in the global community, and is sponsored by Winton
Capital. Further information can be found at our website,
www.ebourbaki.com. Participation in the contest requires contestants
to register with eBourbaki website and we encourage participants to
do so as soon as possible, to stay informed about contest details.

In the past others have used eBourbaki questions as part of their
teaching program, or as a 'final project' for applied modeling
classes. We are happy to work with professors if they choose to
consider this option.

A mathematical contest from the Annals of Improbable Research

This month's lymerick contest from the Annals of Improbable Research is the following:


'A Proof Less Strange is the subject of this month's limerick
competition. To enter, compose an original limerick that
illuminates the nature of this report:

"A Less Strange Version of Milnor's Proof of
Brouwer's Fixed-Point Theorem," C.A. Rogers,
American Mathematical Monthly, vol. 87, no. 7,
August/September 1980, pp. 525-7.
this url

RULES: Please make sure your rhymes actually do, and that your
poem is in classic, trips-off-the-tongue limerick form.

PRIZE: The winning poet will receive a (if we manage to send it
to the correct address) a free, possibly strange issue of the
Annals of Improbable Research. Send entries (one entry per
entrant) to:

PROOF LESS STRANGE LIMERICK COMPETITION
c/o '



We'll see whether or not I have time to do this. Eventually, I'll also write the lyrics for "88 Lines about 44 Math-men" (perhaps with a different title because I plan to include both male and female mathematicians; I just haven't yet found a catchy title for that yet) to the tune of "88 Lines about 44 Women" by The Nails. This particular parody will take some time to write, so I remain in punt formation for now. But I'll get to it eventually...