Tim looked up this Penny Arcade strip because my day Thursday put me in the right mood to appreciate it. I don't normally like Penny Arcade, but this particular strip is definitely appropriate/appreciated at the moment. (My delayed viewing is because their website was down for a while---at least whenever I tried to view it.)
This morning, I had to do some extra emergency numerics, as my collaborator asked me to try something else in the hopes that the numerical surgery will result in only one amputated arm and not both. I think after some effort (and not being able to watch most of the Dodger game or having chilled out at Peet's yet today), I am close to getting what we need here. I was going to work on something else today (that will hopefully see some accomplishments soon), but that's just going to have to wait another day.
Now I just need to find my credit card, my Caltech id card (the most recent things I've lost...), and the way to make my will save against cute girls (and, in particular, the targeted hold persons and silences they cast on me as free actions). Oh, and I also need a tenure-track job and to take over the world today. ("What are we going to do today?")
2 days ago
4 comments:
Some probably-not-helpful comments on the cute girls problem. Strategie the Firste: useth the Fyne Liste of Lynes of Picke-Vppe on Chaucer's Blogge. Probably requires email contact, since I don't think Middle English (real or fake) would be very clear in speech. TNH on Making Light mentioned that this approach would have had a good chance of success if used on her 30-40 years ago, so it may not be quite as stupid as it sounds... :-)
Another method that might work for you especially would be to try to pick up Numb3rs groupies (if you can find some). You can legitimately claim to be the closest thing to a real-life Charlie Eppes they're ever likely to meet. The tenure-track job would help here, of course. I'm pretty sure David Krumholtz is a bit heavier than you are, but so what. The height, hair, institution, and job involving applied math are a close enough match for this purpose.
I'm pretty sure quickening a spell does not negate the need for verbal and somatic components, so the standard anti-caster tactics apply. If you think you can avoid the AoO, I'd suggest grappling the cute girl attempting to paralyze or silence you. If you can then pin her, you can silence her manually, so even if she has a Stilled Quickened Hold Person you'll be OK after the first round. Long term, taking some martial arts classes to get the Imp. Unarmed Strike and Imp. Grapple feats would help. Alternately, just try to synchronize initiative and prepare your own action (range attack, dispel magic, or specific counterspell). Hold Person is targeted, so becoming invisible would help avoid that; the Silence AoE is not so easily avoided. Bear in mind your opponent must be at least 11th level - are you sure you're up to this encounter? If she's a Strength domain cleric, she'll have access to the Bigby spells at higher levels, so if you do hit it off together you'd still be at risk of Bigby's Groping Hand... :-D
I know better than to expect helpful comments.
Middle English: I'm not too concerned about what might have turned on people who are that old. :) My main problem centers on meeting people in the first place. Once I know someone, I'm usually able to talk to them pretty decently (via wit, self-deprecation, and other such facets of my being). Also, I am capable of being expressive with the pen/keyboard. Silence spells don't apply and the hold persons can wear off by then.
In the world outside academia, I've stopped several conversations when I answer 'mathematician' to what I do. I hear some comment about how they're really bad at math (or maybe they'll mention some trivial high school or elementary school math subject) and that's the end of that. (If one says that one is an English professor, one never gets "I'm really bad at reading." as a response.) "Scientist" or "Physicist" work better here. With Caltech people, this comment doesn't apply. I think the last time this happened was before "Numb3rs," so maybe that will change things.
Hmmm... grappling. Have I mentioned how bad my grapple check is? The hold person is usually already in effect.
One round: Unfortunately, the battle is typically over before the first round.
Counterspell: This could work. I have normally attempted just to break free of the hold person in time to say something. Personally, I think a good feat for me would be iron will.
Becoming invisible: Haven't I already effectively done that to myself? Didn't you see The Incredibles? (And if you didn't, you really should. It's one of the best movies of the past several years.)
Bigby's groping hand: Oh dear, that sounds disturbing---but I suppose that's better than the Bigby spells I already know how to cast.
Gee, thanks. You've been really helpful. I'm going to go work on my iron will...
Groping Hand was from a list of "different" D&D spells (maybe from 1st ed., it certainly existed during 2nd ed.). The standard response to BGH is of course Shocking Gasp. The only other spells I can think of from that list were Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Flatulence (try not to cast that - it normally leads to a Stinking Cloud!) and Evard's Black Testicles.
Raging also helps with will saves (Fermit the Krog has both a barbarian level and Iron Will for precisely this reason).
I mentioned invisibility since it sounds like that would be easiest for you... :-D
Other options - try to turn your weakness into a strength. "My will save may be weak, but my fortitude save is strong. Dominate me, baby!"
Or you could try bragging about your Weapon Specialization: "Long sword", your ranks in the Perform: Sexual Techniques skill, or perhaps point out that you're a very smart guy who knows lots of languages (i.e. a cunning linguist).
Onto the occupation in non-academic conversations, I believe you when you say math is the worst. Physics still gets it pretty strongly, though, as Chad Orzel has blogged at times (or was it Cosmic Variance?). Astronomy is different but not really better. People tend to think favorably of astronomy ("oh, I liked the class I took in college!" type of thing) but also tend to confuse us with astrologers. I hate that. :P Maybe I should just try saying I'm a physicist and hope for the conversation-stopper effect. Btw, I wouldn't be too surprised if English professors got something like the math/physics response - my reaction inside my own head would be "oh, I hated English classes in high school". Hopefully I'd be polite enough not to say that, but one never knows... Anyway, strategically it is to your advantage to bring up math early on - I dare say you wouldn't want to get involved with someone who thinks it's painful useless abstract crap meant only to torture schoolchildren, for example.
I remember that list of spells. I have the print-out among my D & D notes. I also used to have it posted in front of my room in Lloyd.
Hmmm...raging isn't so easy for me. Sadly, invisibility is (as you point out), but it doesn't exactly help the cause.
I have bad saves in general. Or, more precisely, my will save is good against certain things but is hit with large negative modifers for other things. The class called "theorist" basically has no good saves.
I wonder if I'm allowed to count Matlab as a language?
In terms of weapon specialization, it's important to remember that the pen is mightier than the sword. ("I just love it when you differentiate so quickly!")
I think physics seems to at least pique people's interest---granted, they're likely to ask about some whacked out string theory thing they saw in the NY Times, but that's much better than stopping the conversation.
I actually like the humanities quite a bit and still occasionally consider careers in such areas (depending on my mood and morale). My high school GPA in the humanities was actually higher than my science/math GPA.
Actually, the people who are reacting that way to math aren't the ones who think it's abstract. They think that being a mathematician means teaching (I often get asked what I'm teaching, as if that's my main responsibility) or (far, far worse) who think I'm trying to come up with new ways to do arithmetic. The people who think it's abstract nonsense, which includes many scientists, are light years ahead of the ones I had in mind with my above comment. I'm ok with somebody thinking math is just useless abstraction---I can show them some of my less esoteric projects to pique their interest. It's the people who think I am doing arithmetic for a living that are hopeless.
Specific details notwithstanding, your point is well taken. Somebody with these sorts of views is not somebody who can reasonably form any integral part of my future. They must at least be open to garnering some clue of what it is that I'm doing.
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