I was just pondering about how much worse I am at dealing with certain types of emotions than others. For example, I can't really read other people well and in general am not so good at certain emotional things because I seem to look at things so differently from everybody else and I am unable to figure out what they're thinking, yet I am much better at knowing reasonable and logical ways to react when somebody else threatens violence.
So here comes the scary part: My next thought was that the reason I can react to threats of violence in a much more calm, collected, logical fashion is because of just how much experience I was forced to have doing that while growing up. It was always just there and a part of me is simply inured to things like that. (At some level, this makes me want to weep a bit for myself for having been brought up in a manner that did this to me, but those are the cards I was dealt.) I always had to just go and keep myself occupied amidst the turmoil around --- whether that meant schoolwork, novels, baseball, video games, or whatever. I also think that part of my constant need to always be doing
something stems partially from that.
Anyway, this is today's look inside my head.