I was just pondering about how much worse I am at dealing with certain types of emotions than others. For example, I can't really read other people well and in general am not so good at certain emotional things because I seem to look at things so differently from everybody else and I am unable to figure out what they're thinking, yet I am much better at knowing reasonable and logical ways to react when somebody else threatens violence.
So here comes the scary part: My next thought was that the reason I can react to threats of violence in a much more calm, collected, logical fashion is because of just how much experience I was forced to have doing that while growing up. It was always just there and a part of me is simply inured to things like that. (At some level, this makes me want to weep a bit for myself for having been brought up in a manner that did this to me, but those are the cards I was dealt.) I always had to just go and keep myself occupied amidst the turmoil around --- whether that meant schoolwork, novels, baseball, video games, or whatever. I also think that part of my constant need to always be doing something stems partially from that.
Anyway, this is today's look inside my head.
1 day ago
2 comments:
I've seen research showing that shy people tend to have trouble reading the emotional states of others. It's certainly true for me.
Someone who was very angry at me once referred to me as "emotionally retarded". At the time I thought it was overly harsh but I wonder sometimes if it's accurate. I'd prefer to think that I'm emotionally illiterate, in the sense that it's just a skill I've never picked up because I'm normally very solitary.
Yeah, those negative modifiers on sense motive can really ruin the party. Don't I know it (story of my life).
(Note the double-meaning on 'party' above. :) )
Anyway, I may have put my foot in my mouth again, but in this particular case my legendary stubbornness is also in play. And there are some things on which I absolutely won't compromise no matter what else happens -- there are some lines that I will never cross because I feel it would be losing myself to cross them and I simply refuse to lose myself. And it doesn't matter if nobody else besides me even sees that the line there.
Post a Comment