Tales from the ArXiv: Mathematics Paper or Science-Fiction Novel?

A new paper, which looks very fascinating, that just appeared on arXiv is called Tropical Principal Component Analysis on the Space of Ultrametrics.

Tropical PCA sounds very promising and fascinating. Additionally, I think the title of this paper would make a great title for a science-fiction novel.

Paper Title of the Day: "p-ing Everywhere"

The sort of paper title that one ultimately regrets, I think. pic.twitter.com/g19H4yTdn7

— Stuart Ritchie (@StuartJRitchie) November 10, 2019

(Tip of the cap to Chris Marcum.)

"Do Complex-Systems Scientists Dream of Emergent Sheep?"

I came up with this title earlier today, and I need to write an article (or book or something) with this title.

Do complex-systems scientists dream of emergent sheep? :)

— DynamicalSystemsSIAM (@DynamicsSIAM) August 30, 2018

Update: And, to complete the picture, note that there is also an old game called Netrunner.

Headline of the Day: "Sheep Learn to Recognise Celebrity Faces from Different Angles"

This applies to all kinds of sheep. :P

(This is one of the most brilliant headlines I have ever seen, especially with the accompanying picture.)

Sheep learn to recognise celebrity faces from different angles https://t.co/qtoDBOvIIX pic.twitter.com/C50KwsYijA

— New Scientist (@newscientist) November 8, 2017

Fake µs

I am very amused by the title ("Fake μs: A cautionary tail of shear-thinning locomotion") of this paper.

It's too bad, though, that "µ" is the standard notation for kinematic viscosity, as the title would be even more amusing with the notation "𝜈" for dynamic viscosity. It would then be "Fake 𝜈s". In any event, I approve! (And things are open for a sequel paper about dynamic viscosity.)

Also, I like viscous puns.

I previously used a variant of this pun, as you can see below.

I am spreading fake gnus. (This had to be done.) pic.twitter.com/eUcmp3qouZ

— Mason Porter (@masonporter) February 11, 2017

Update (8/31/17): Thanks to Peter Mucha for the comments about kinematic versus dynamic viscosity. This helped me improve my comments above.

"Subtitles: What the Book is Actually About"

Just for the irony, I'd like to write a book called "Subtitles: What the Book is Actually About". :)

Article Title of the Day: "Ex-bullfighter and Maths Genius Among Candidates Standing for Macron"

The title of this article is fantastic! (Note that the article preview on Facebook has a slightly different title, with "Female" before the word "ex-bullfighter".)

I had already heard that Cédric Villani is one of the candidates standing for Macron (and that itself is awesome!), but I really like the article title in this case.

Also, the second sentence in the article's description of Villani is amusing: Cédric Villani, 43, who in 2010 won the Fields medal, the equivalent of the Nobel prize in mathematics, will stand for Macron in a suburban Paris district. The mathematician is known for his dandy-ish looks, long hair and collection of floppy bow ties.

(Tip of the cap to Yves van Gennip for this specific article.)

The Tensor: A Reboot of The Matrix

I assume that the reboot of The Matrix will be called "The Tensor".

Also see my Facebook post about this for witty repartee, other suggested names, and possible prequels (e.g., "The Vector").

(Tip of the cap to Sammy Kline for the information about the reboot.)

Tales from the ArXiv: "Not Quite Conclusions"

I love the title of Section VI in this paper.

Subtitles: When You Run Out of Ideas

As you can see from the picture (of one of the books in Somerville College's Senior Common Room), some people have clearly run out of ideas when it comes to book subtitles.

Maybe I should write a book called "Networks: Those Objects with Vertices and Edges"? There does appear to be some evidence that using colons in titles increases citation counts.

Tales from the ArXiv: "Wrapped Microlocal Sheaves on Pairs of Pants"

Basically, I just like the title of this paper.

(I am also amused by the mathematizations of "higher-dimensional pairs of pants" and "tailored pairs of pants".)

New Article: "The Tongue as an Excitable Medium"

Yes, really: an article called "The Tongue as an Excitable Medium" was published a few days ago in New Journal of Physics. This title is fantastic on so many levels! The article is about a condition known as "geographic tongue", which the authors of the paper model as an excitable medium, in which they (of course) examine pattern formation. But that's not what you were thinking, is it?

I have written a blurb about the paper for the Improbable Research blog. I'll post a link to it when it's available.

(Tip of the cap to IFLS.)

Update: Here is the published version of my blurb.

A Very Short Paper Title

Wow, now that is a very short paper title: 'Q', just 'Q' --- which represents 1 divided by the attenuation factor (not modularity and also not Q).

Sociologist Jim Moody once submitted a paper called "Titles" to a journal. He was trying to get a one-word title, but that didn't fly with the journal, so he switched the title to something very long. (I e-mailed Jim to ask him for a link, which I will provide once I have it.)

The shortest title (in terms of number of words) that I have used in a paper is two. That occurs in http://people.maths.ox.ac.uk/porterm/papers/multilayer_review-published.pdf this paper. It broke my previous record of 3 words. Now I need to try to write a paper with a one-world title. I don't think I'll ever get down to one letter.

Update: Jim sent me a .pdf of his paper. It turns out that the story I heard about the title being hugely long isn't true. Rather, his paper is called "Trends in Sociology Titles", which is accurate but doesn't have the same effect as going overboard.

Subtitles: A Legal Requirement of Popular Biographies

Or, in longer form, Subtitles: A Legal Requirement of Popular Biographies (even when we're completely out of clever ideas)

Or how About: Author: Because Somebody Actually Wrote The Book You Had To Read In High School

I am thinking of this because Somerville College's Senior Common Room has a copy of this book, because the potential consumers needed to be reminded that William Golding is the dude who wrote Lord of the Flies. (To be fair, I also remembered the book title but not the author.)

Automatic Dissertation-Title Generator

Here is an automatic generator for titles of PhD theses. My fake dissertation title is "Vesuvius Wept: A Mechanical Analysis of Popular Drinking Songs in Dante's Inferno".

The title of my actual dissertation is "Quantum Chaos in Vibrating Billiard Systems"

(Tip of the cap to Jure Leskovec.)

Tales from the ArXiv: "Cool for Cats"

This paper, which is about Schrödinger cat states, is called "Cool for Cats". I approve!

(I considered telling a similar joke in a paper once, but the pun didn't quite work, and I found a different one that worked better.)

Tales from the ArXiv: "Sticky Physics of Joy"

Here is a small piece of advice: Do NOT begin the title of your article with "Sticky physics of joy". Oy vey.

Or maybe all of the extra attention it gets is worth putting just about everybody's mind in a bad place?

Tales from the ArXiv: One Word to Rule Them All

Damnit. I want to write an article whose title consists of only one word. I must figure out a way to do this. Any suggestions from the audience?